When Scott and I wrote last week we offered you the opportunity to learn something new on this grief journey, life journey, soul journey. I know I needed, deeply yearned for new inspiration or new hope or something new to help me begin see more about life, death, and myself…to answer the “whys” we struggle with and the incredible mystery of it all.
I needed new…and so I searched, I listened, I read. I began to see the new filtering in…allowing me to see more depth in what had been, and opened me up to areas of my life, mind, heart…that had never been opened up before. Cracked open. Yes…broken open.Read More
Our loved ones have died. My only child died. We can never be the same. How does anyone return to life and pick up all those broken pieces?
With the knowing that our love is the strongest part of who we are…
We are living a life we do not want. We are confused by pain, life, and the possibilities of our future. It is all so uncertain and that takes us to a place of questioning the love we have for ourselves too.
In hanging on to the one thing I knew for certain, that I was Scott’s mom…I am always going to be Scott’s mom… allowed me to find the ways I needed…to take care of myself. I began to realize I was not going to die…but rather continue being Scott’s mom…and live.Read More
The love I have for all who grieve the deaths of precious children and loved ones is broad and becomes broader every time I sit here at the computer. I see vulnerability and anger, love beyond love, determination, fear, misconceptions and so many other aspects of grief running through our journeys…
But when we are able to find greater answers and clarification…we grow in new ways. We are opened up to hope, continuing connections, depth and meaning… MORE than we ever knew existed in this life of mystery, pain, love, and life defining challenges.Read More
I have lived through twenty-one years of missing, agony, love, curiosity, demanding, fear, disappointment, anger, amazement, love, signs, awareness, wisdom and the knowing that Scott never left me. His body left…his Spirit stayed. Somehow… Magnificently.Read More
What can learning more about death do to help you in your grief? In those days of pure desperation and confusion, anger, missing and everything you or I have felt…or are feeling…what do we need?
Loving support from those we know and don’t know? Kindness and empathy through the darkest days of our lives? An understanding of our life now? Validation of signs? Knowing where are our children and loved ones are now? Answers to why life would take our loved ones away and leave us here? To know why I am not getting signs…or enough of them? It is a long list… and it could go on for paragraphs…and pages.
I know. I was there, asking, begging, questioning, desperate, and crying out for so many of these to be answered…Read More
The love and commitment I have always had for my beloved Scott could never be questioned. Not when he was here in his body…or for the last twenty-one years…since he “left”.
He has shown me that his love and commitment for me is as true as ever. And now…spiritually…much more knowing and powerful than I could have EVER imagined.
Did I worry about this…his love and commitment to me… in the early years of grief and then the middle years of my twenty-one years? Yes…of course!
There are too many unknowns… And my precious most loved only child had seemingly vanished off the face of this earth.Read More