The New Year…leaving the old and facing the new…without you Scott…for the first time…or again and again… It was hell.
I have to be honest…I struggled greatly as the dreaded new year approached. Sometimes it was harder for me than Christmas. I hated that day coming…feeling Scott and I were separated by another year. The date…the pain, the distance, the fear of him moving way from me, or that time was taking him to new places unknown to me filled me with anguish. I had no answers…only my fears and imagination of what was coming or being left behind.
I love you, I feel you…and yet I miss your body, your hugs, your future, your everything.
We count the days, the weeks, the months…the year ending…putting the old calendar away, starting up again with a new January. Oh God. As some were gearing up with New Year’s resolutions and new hope, I was not ready to look at a new year without Scott.
I felt desperately alone and separated from the rest of society. How could I explain to them the immensity of this crossing over into a new year…without Scott?
How many years did I struggle? I cannot tell you for certain, but I know it impacted me greatly.
What did I learn from those new years…now that I know everything has meaning?
In time…because everything is a process too…I began to see, trust, and accept that Scott was not “gone”…that a new year was not going to separate us as I had so internally agonized, feared and fought.
Those had been deeply rooted fears I needed to work through…HAD to work through to begin to see and feel the reality of the spiritual connection Scott and I now shared. As I moved into the new Januarys of the next years…I had something to hold onto from the previous years…
Scott did not leave me. No… Our love continues into the next year…and the next, and the next…into forever. We soul planned this life and death journey. We were partners in life and that partnership most certainly continues after death… The calendar cannot ever stop our spiritual relationship and our love.
Scott/Spirit’s words ~
The partnership Mom/Sara writes of is one that cannot be changed or challenged because of the beauty of soul plans. I had to be Sara’s son. She had to be my mother… Etched into the spiritual paths we take together. Such important work we did together while I was in my body, and it now continues spiritually…equally important and necessary.
The same is true for each of you… Perhaps that work right now is to trust the love you feel so deeply. The pain, the loss, the missing, the connection. It is our spiritual love you are nurturing.
Take some time to be quiet and know that we have a deep commitment to one another in this new year. All you feel and miss is pushing you towards us…and we ARE with you. You cannot push us away… You can open up to more…
Let this new year open you up to the possibilities that you might have thought were impossible…
We, in Spirit, are working behind the scenes… We are the words that say… Don’t give up… WE have work to do… You and me…